Wanna Buy A Knee?

I've got a sixty two year old body, a nineteen year old mind and a thousand year old knee. The Knee is for sale. I could take the money and buy a nice piece of red oak or maple and carve a nice peg leg, like the old pirates had. A peg leg would not hurt, get Charley horse cramps,nor would the toes get cold in the winter. I could leave an extension on the outside coming about half way up the thigh to attach some nice leather straps to secure the whole thing to my "alive part." I could revive my long lost leather working skills and carve my name or initials or even a Playboy model as I once did on a pistol holster for a friend. The possibilities are endless!

The knee that I now have is pretty much ready for the bone yard. In all fairness to the knee it has been somewhat abused over the past decades. My knee was twisted severely playing baseball in the 1960's, banged around again in the 70's and 80's when I was a professional scaffold builder, among other things. One time in the early 90's I stepped off the back porch of the family camp. When my foot touched the ground the knee gave way and dropped my carcass on the ground. In 1987 I tore a cartilage and had surgery, the kind where they make little bitty cuts and do things with little bitty instruments and leave no good scars for "war stories". In 1996 I tore the anterior cruciate ligament, the ACL. The bone cracker removed the pieces of the ligament. He told me I was too old and not athletic enough to go through a reconstruction. The rest of the stuff that holds the knee bone to the other bone, etc, is not in very good shape. It is all stretched out and lets the knee bones move around and pop. I have also added a tiny bit of weight to the aforementioned knee, about one hundred pounds since high school.

The latest in the saga of the knee is that I stepped out of the back door and popped something in the knee. I only stepped down a few inches, but that was all it took. I do not go to doctors unless I have to go. When my doctor sees me come in for other than my scheduled visits, he knows that something is up. For two months I have had stiffness and swelling, but nothing I couldn't live with. My knee is about the size of a small pumpkin and stiff as beef jerky. I think it is time to go see Dr. Chris and let him give me a lecture, pills, and probably a referral to a bone cracker. Monday I will make "the call" and make an appointment to get what used to be my "good knee" taken care of.

It's all "another day in paradise" in my world.

Thanks Margaret!

Once in a while some really good stuff comes along in email. A lot of the "humor" that passes between mailboxes does not hit my funny bone, well maybe a glancing blow. I received one a few days ago that hit me dead on! Right square on the funniest part of the funny bone. One of my high school classmates sent it to me. My friend Margaret passed along an email she received dealing with the humor from the old Hollywood Squares. These are ad libs from the kings, and one queen, of the ad libbers, George Gobel, Paul Lynde, Don Knotts, Marty Allen, Rose Marie, and my favorite Charley Weaver. These were comics who could be funny, very funny, without talking dirty, referring to body parts, or referring to women without resorting to disrespectful nomenclature. The responses to the questions really bring back some good times watching the tube. A lot of these were seen in black and white before I got prosperous enough to buy that first color set.

I think that Rose Marie is the last one alive. The rest left us one by one over the years, Don Knotts just a few years ago. George Gobel was one of people I enjoyed in my younger days when my family had a black and white TV that only got about three stations. George would look into the camera and with a deadpan look say "I'll be a dirty bird." I loved his blank look and his dry delivery.

Charley Weaver was the stage name of Cliff Arquette. The character was dressed in a rumpled white shirt with an open collar and a too short necktie of indeterminable age. Charley was topped off with a slightly too small pork pie hat. He was a country character from somewhere in the South. Cliff Arquette was a short overweight man and his overall look was bordering on ne'er-do-well. I still think it was one of the great comedy acts ever. When Charley made appearances away from the Squares his act centered around "Letters to Momma." He would pull a rumpled piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and begin to read what he had written to his momma, they were always reflections of life as he saw it. The letters always ended with Charley having to go check on Grandpa. One time he wrote, "Well I have to go check on Grandpa, he was up on a ladder fixing the chimney and stepped back to admire his work." Another time he had to check on Grandpa because he had seen the postman in his blue uniform, thought he was a Yankee soldier and shot him.

The humor of Charley and the rest often made you pause for a moment before the impact hit you. They were all great! Thanks Margaret!

I Wanted To Do I, So I Did It!

Today is the last day of the year and it leads to a lot of reflection on this year (2007) and years past. I was asked if I remembered any really good years from my past. I do and they were decades back, before THE job and all the trials and tribulations that go with family life and divorces. I kept a job for nearly thirty four years because I had to, not because I wanted to and was doing something I always wanted to do and enjoyed doing.

When I had to retire due to health problems I looked for something to do to earn a little extra money and occupy my time. I decided to become a rodeo announcer.

Growing up from the early fifties to the early sixties I went to every rodeo I could get anyone to take me to or later, go to own my own. The high point of my life were the times we went to the Houston Fat Stock Show and Rodeo, as it was known then. We would make a weekend trip out of going to the rodeo. Saturday morning we would hit the road to Houston. When we got there we would check into a hotel, walk around downtown and that night go to the rodeo. I saw several stars there from the western world and the country music world. My favorite person was Roy Rogers, along with Dale Evans and the whole bunch. I saw the original Trigger, Roy's horse, and Pat Brady's jeep, Nellybelle. The prettiest woman I ever saw in my life was June Ivory, she was the rodeo secretary and always carried the American Flag in the grand entry and also for the National Anthem. She rode a white horse, wore a black sequined western outfit that was form fitted and carried that red,white and blue flag. When they darkened the arena and hit her with the spotlight I went, well, you know. My cowboy hero was the late Jim Shoulders, he would hold seven bull riding championships and sixteen world championships. Pete Logan was the rodeo announcer most of those years and I was impressed by the way he did his job and especially the way he worked with the rodeo clowns. My favorite clown was Wilbur Plaugher. In those days the clowns did comedy and worked all the events including bull riding. That was before bullfighters came into their own.

In the last ten years or so Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, June Ivory, and Jim Shoulders have all died. Wilber Plaugher has been long retired and the rodeo moved from the Sam Houston Coliseum to the Astrodome to Reliant Center. The name changed to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo and got to be a big high dollar social event. People like Cool and the Gang and Tony Bennet became the headliners. The western emphasis became watered down. The Rodeo Cowboys Association (RCA) became the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA). The rodeo world changed. Then here I came.

In late 1999 I started researching rodeo announcing. I had always admired the announcers and the way they worked the crowd and the interaction with the clowns. Iwanted to do that! I found out what sort of equipment I would need and went to a music supply store and bought the speakers, amplifier, microphone, speaker cables, and speaker stands. Then I bought music players and started the never ending buying of music. On a website I found a rodeo announcer's school in Oklahoma. I enrolled and spent the week taking the course. It was basically a waste of time and money. When I came home I started looking for rodeo jobs. I did not come from a rodeo background or know anyone in the business. I was very handicapped more than I realized at the time. I found a series of youth rodeos in Louisiana about an eighty mile or so drive from home, I called the producer and volunteered my services. He was delighted to accept and would give me gas money. The rodeos were a good starting point I got the basics of running the show and could learn and make mistakes as I went along. In August, 2000 I got my first call for a paying job. The Comal County Sherrif's Posse in New Braunfels, Texas puts on a yearly rodeo as he main fund raiser of the year. I was to be the announcer for that rodeo for four years.

The next call I received was for the Texas High School Rodeo Association Region 5 rodeo series. I had that job for five years and it became my base that I worked around from August to May. All in all in my five year career I was the announcer for over two hundred rodeos. Some were small, a lot were youth rodeos, but I liked working with kids, a few were big. In 2002 I was the announcer for the Texas-Oklahoma State Fair Rodeo in Witchita Falls, Texas and 2004 the National Little Britches Rodeo Association called me to announce the week long National Finals Rodeo in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Announcing rodeos bring you into contact with a lot of people ranging from the contestants to the rodeo producers.

Dealing with the producers was an experience in itself. The majority that I dealt with would look me in the eye, tell me I did a good job and never call me again. To this day I have no idea why. One local producer told me that he had a lot of trouble with the announcers he had been using either not showing up for the show or showing up drunk and that "next year" he was going to use me and another announcer for all his bull ridings. He never called either of us. Annually there is a memorial bull riding in Eagle Pass, Texas. It is a medium sized "Tex-Mex" bull riding. lots of fun with a mostly Mexican crowd. The porducer told me I did a great job,he liked the way I brought Cajun humor into the show and the family of the fallen bull rider liked me too. He did not call me the next year. I took several last minute calls to fill in for announcers that cancelled. I tried to do a good job and be dependable and fair with my pricing.

After five years of announcing the THSRA Region 5 rodeos they dropped me. It turned out that the high school contestants did not like my music. They wanted someone less country and more into what they listen to. Rap, Hip Hop, and today's rock. I played "new country". For the bull riders I did play AC/DC, mostly the "Back in Black " CD. It was time for us to part company. I was tired of the attitude of the kids and some of the directors and was not enjoying the gig anymore.

I went into the rodeo business with a lot of ideals. I did not realize how the business really works on the level I was on. How to get out of the minors and into the majors is something I do not know to this day. I had set up early, and tried to do what the producer wanted done. Over the years the teenagers yelling at me to play "pump up music' and telling me they could have done better if my music would have been better irritated me. Producers trying to get me to cut my rates irritated me. Time on the road got longer and longer and that irritated me. The last job I did was a bull riding at Fort Stockton, Texas a ten hour drive one way. The producer was highly disorganized and his rodeo secretary and timer were no bettter. The whole thing was bad and I'm not too sure that he paid for my room. I put the key on the table and left without checking out. The room was in his name anyway..... And yes, I was irritated!!

I have had opportuinties to get back into announcing but I'm just not ready and don't know if I ever will be again. My vision of rodeo was different from what it really is. I had very briefly ridden a few bulls in college and been around my local rodeo. What I experienced then and what it is now are as different as black and white. I'm from the "old school", my values sometime seem out of place in today's world. My view is a little on the conservitave side. After years of fighting and arguing and being mad at the world I want to settle down, lay back and chill out. Life is too short and too uncertain to be irritated. I'm glad I had the chance to do what I did and I met some really great people. I actually got to interact with an old time rodeo clown at a rodeo in Columbus, Texas. The clown was Dalton "Cajun" Stephens and we yelled back and forth like they did inthe old days. Announcing at New Braunfels I also got to be a judge for the Bar B Que contest. When I was in Colorado I got to go to the Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame and Museum. There were some really great times. The bottom line is that I am too country for youth rodeos and wasn't born into the rodeo world with great contacts. I'll be here with my Hank Snow and Ray Price and Willie Nelson and Jimmy C. Newman and RoyAcuff and let the world of rock roll by.
I still believe that if you want to be treated right, treat other people right. And, I firmly believe that there are girls, women, and ladies.

I wanted to do it so I did it!