Wanna Buy A Knee?

I've got a sixty two year old body, a nineteen year old mind and a thousand year old knee. The Knee is for sale. I could take the money and buy a nice piece of red oak or maple and carve a nice peg leg, like the old pirates had. A peg leg would not hurt, get Charley horse cramps,nor would the toes get cold in the winter. I could leave an extension on the outside coming about half way up the thigh to attach some nice leather straps to secure the whole thing to my "alive part." I could revive my long lost leather working skills and carve my name or initials or even a Playboy model as I once did on a pistol holster for a friend. The possibilities are endless!

The knee that I now have is pretty much ready for the bone yard. In all fairness to the knee it has been somewhat abused over the past decades. My knee was twisted severely playing baseball in the 1960's, banged around again in the 70's and 80's when I was a professional scaffold builder, among other things. One time in the early 90's I stepped off the back porch of the family camp. When my foot touched the ground the knee gave way and dropped my carcass on the ground. In 1987 I tore a cartilage and had surgery, the kind where they make little bitty cuts and do things with little bitty instruments and leave no good scars for "war stories". In 1996 I tore the anterior cruciate ligament, the ACL. The bone cracker removed the pieces of the ligament. He told me I was too old and not athletic enough to go through a reconstruction. The rest of the stuff that holds the knee bone to the other bone, etc, is not in very good shape. It is all stretched out and lets the knee bones move around and pop. I have also added a tiny bit of weight to the aforementioned knee, about one hundred pounds since high school.

The latest in the saga of the knee is that I stepped out of the back door and popped something in the knee. I only stepped down a few inches, but that was all it took. I do not go to doctors unless I have to go. When my doctor sees me come in for other than my scheduled visits, he knows that something is up. For two months I have had stiffness and swelling, but nothing I couldn't live with. My knee is about the size of a small pumpkin and stiff as beef jerky. I think it is time to go see Dr. Chris and let him give me a lecture, pills, and probably a referral to a bone cracker. Monday I will make "the call" and make an appointment to get what used to be my "good knee" taken care of.

It's all "another day in paradise" in my world.